5 Tips To Release Your Sadness
(and Let Your Life Be Joyful)
ShoomKloom Editorial Staff
“The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness, also keep out the joy.”
Learning to be at ease.
Have you noticed how babies cry with ease? They don’t have any filters, images or ideas about themselves. They don’t think about what their sadness could mean. They are just expressing what is in the here and now. You see, a baby cries in the moment:
- without thinking: ‘I will not look good when I cry.’
- without analyzing: ‘Is this a good time to cry or will I upset someone?’
- without judging: ‘I should not cry now, I should be smiling.’
Can you see that babies have no concept about crying, no inhibition and are always fully present? It is only once we become older that we start to think about what sadness or tears mean to us. Then we get busy with consequences, with how we look or we just don’t want to feel uncomfortable.
Wouldn’t it be great if you would not hold back your tears nor hold on to your sadness?
The meaning of ‘release’ is to ‘set free from imprisonment’
Can you see that your judgements, shoulds or ‘now is not a good time’ – create a wall around your feelings?
Common ways of imprisoning our sadness
We all do it – we usually tell some kind of story to ourselves when sadness comes up in order to deflect experiencing sadness fully. Here are 3 ways:
By thinking: ‘This should never have happened’; ‘Why does this happen to me’ and with internal arguing, judging and fighting tears.
- Denying the existence of the sadness:
By thinking “I don’t do sad’; ‘Sad doesn’t fit with my image’; ‘I am not sad’ and by avoiding, numbing, hiding or using alcohol or drugs.
By thinking: ‘I am so sad again’; ‘Life is always sad’; and by becoming identified, overwhelmed and indulging in sad poor me stories.
Can you see the difference between your story around your sadness and an actual moment of feeling sad that comes and goes?
We prepared some free eye opening questions for you. Answer them and you can start to release your sadness.
Setting your sadness free.
Tip #1. Accept and allow sadness.
Whenever you feel sadness appearing – allow the purity of sadness without adding your thoughts about what has happened in the past or what may happen in the future, without judging, without thinking what it means.
Just feel the sadness. Be curious to what wants to happen naturally – with or without tears.
Realise your capacity to experience life in all its abundance and to be able to feel whatever comes up.
Can you see that tears are simply the raindrops from the storm inside of you – and all storms come and go?
Tip #2. Sadness is your friend…not your enemy.
Imagine a good friend rings your doorbell. You open the door, recognize your dear friend and slam the door in his or her face. Oops!
That’s how we often treat sadness, thinking:
- Now is not a good time.
- Maybe later.
- Go away.
So next time, when sadness visits you: open the door widely, give it a hug and sit together with a cup of tea. At some point you will say: ‘Thank you, goodbye and see you later’.
Really! It can be this simple and easy!
Can you see that tears are sometimes the best words the heart can speak – they can be healing waters and a stream of joy?
Tip #3. Forgive the past.
Write down any past hurts and disappointments in the form of a letter to yourself or a person involved. Allow whatever feeling may arise, maybe tears or anger – maybe laughter. And whatever appears – know that it’s okay.
Read the letter out loud and then burn it together with guilt, shame, blame and self punishment. Use this time to forgive the past. It is gone and over.
Can you see that with referring to the past in memories, you stop yourself from experiencing what is here as sadness or joy?
Tip #4. Retreat from giving meaning.
Fact: Sometimes you feel sad. Everybody feels sad from time to time.
You want to know a secret? Sadness means nothing about who you are. It doesn’t mean that you are weak or strong. It doesn’t mean that you are not good enough. It doesn’t mean that your life is sad. And yes men and boys do cry.
Can you see that all experiences come and go: the most beautiful as well as the sad ones?
Tip #5. See that wider perspective to life.
Life is a constant dance. There are moments of happiness and sadness; moments of laughter and tears. But to live a purposeful life, one must have the passion to overcome the obstacles of wanting to hold on, of wanting to be happy later or of trying to feel something different than what appears.
Look to the cycles in nature. After any heavy night storm; the sun will rise again.
‘Life is an ongoing journey from a destruction zone to a reconstruction zone. Life knocks you down and then you get back up. It is not meant to be a comfortable process – you are here to face the chaos. Because then – with all this falling apart – you can experience the real you which remains intact and untouched.’