We have learned (and finding loads of literature) about the goodness of compromise – the art of compromise. We believe that compromising will get us ahead in life. We mistake compromise for love. We think great relationships need compromise. We all grew up with this belief system. We drank it in our mother milk.
But does that mean it is true?
We all have it: that imaginary picture in our head of ‘Who we think we are’. Thoughts of our self image make us feel either happy or bad about ourselves. Often they circle around in our head while we add non stop commentary. In reality, thoughts pass through the mind and don’t need to mean anything about ‘who we are’. A thought just comes and goes…read more
“The crazy thing is that I didn’t know it. I really thought that I was the one constantly being rejected (mostly by men). That I just wasn’t sexy enough, or too much or whatever story I could come up with. I didn’t see that in my fear of rejection I was being harsh and unfriendly. I was pushing the people away who just wanted to be close to me. I played my games (of being a true bitch) so that nothing and nobody could hurt me. And to top it all I thought of myself as … “read more
Lost in the perceptions of reality: In my teens, my insecurities blew totally out of proportion. Thoughts like ‘I am stupid, I am ugly, nobody likes me, nobody understands me’ were constantly catapulted through my mind. I didn’t really have any understanding, perception or even seeing what is real. I remember that so many things were overwhelming me. For sure I believed every single thought I had about myself was true and consequently I experienced …read more
“Why can she just not stop telling me what to do as if I am 6 years old (I am actually 47)? Being back home at my parents place is the ultimate test. No matter how much I prepare or tell myself that this time I will not be triggered and react – there she is again in full flavor: my mum. Again she is telling me: ‘You must eat your eggs without salt.’ Next thing I know is her shoving …read more
‘I am not good enough’ has been my mantra throughout my life. Really! This thought I wrapped around myself like a precious piece of clothing. It acted like a filter through which I would perceive myself in all kind of circumstances: meeting a men, thinking I am not attractive or engaging enough. At work, thinking …read more