How to Stop Believing ‘I am not good enough’

(and See that it Is a Ridiculous Lie)

ShoomKloom Editorial Staff

‘When you believe in yourself, you have 100% of the people you need on your side.’


‘I am not good enough’ has been my mantra throughout my life.


This thought I wrapped around myself like a precious piece of clothing. It acted like a filter through which I would perceive myself in all kind of circumstances:

I wasted time and energy, and deprived myself of laughter and confidence with doubting myself.

Learning to Dismantle Old Limiting Beliefs


Why do we get stuck in this negative thought of ‘I am not good enough’?


A thought in itself is never a problem.

A thought always comes and goes and is meaningless by itself. What becomes the problem however is what we DO with the thought.

Imagine this:

You have an argument at work, a relationship crisis or you’re the only one who doesn’t get a piece of cake at a birthday party. The thought ‘I am not good enough’ pops up in your head.

You have two options:

Option A)

You choose to not give it attention (zero imagination, no feeling attached, no meaning given). You know your inner core and fulfillment during the time this thought comes in and goes out of your head.

The thought is not influencing you. You stay centered and content.

Option B)

You choose to grab this thought (your mind and emotions start racing, you feel miserable, you try to get rid of it, you want to blame someone, you feel bad, you judge yourself, you think about past stories…).

You BELIEVE (your own lie) that you are not good enough.

Result: You will feel miserable.

Now you might think: ‘Well I don’t have this ability to choose option A or B because it all just happens to me.

That is exactly what I used to think.

But a few years ago I found out that I do have a choice and that I can practise making a healthy choice over and over again.

Wanna know how?

You Must Know this: Our Beliefs Act Like Tinted Glasses

Same as sunglasses, a belief will color our view and reality. But you can discover that you are not the belief itself and you are not the tinted glasses either.

A belief is a thought to which we give meaning, imagination and our identity. We believe that this thought is ‘ours’.

It is as if we claim ownership but it owns us.

As small children, we start creating  an identity:  I am a girl / boy,  I am good, now I am bad and so on… and we grow up into believing that each of our thoughts reflects who we really are.

When mum and dad tell us frequently ‘what you did is bad’ and ‘you are wrong’ – as kids we translate this into believing ‘I am inherently wrong and bad’.

At this young age, we don’t have the ability yet to differentiate between a behavior which can be inappropriate or wrong and who we really are – which is never bad or wrong.

Adding to what our parents want from us – we get swamped with expectations from society, media, peers telling us what we should do – be – have and achieve.

No wonder we fall into the trap of pleasing, wanting approval and trying to do or say the right things.

We end up believing that we can never live up to an ideal of what we think we should be (which is true) – and that as a result we are not good enough (which is not true) because we can never satisfy the expectations others may have of us.

 A thought only appears ‘real’ in your own mind. 

Can you see that tinted glasses color your perception and reality?

Can you see that if you don’t compare yourself with others – you are are always good enough?

Do you want to take a break from believing 'I am not good enough.'?

Learn To See The Lies You Believe

Each time telling myself ‘I am not good enough’ has been believing in a lie. Because I was so busy comparing myself with others or believing in an illusion; I didn’t respect, love nor accepted myself.

Do you get stuck in your head with this thought ‘I am not good enough’?

Here are some reason why that happens and common beliefs which are lies we tell ourselves:

#1. Believing if you could be more like someone else, you would be good enough

Do you think that the other is better and happier than you?

It is clear that it is impossible to be like someone else. You have your own strengths, your precious ways of being, your quirks and flaws which all together make up your unique self. Even when others may inspire you, you can never be like them.

There is nothing to be gained in comparing yourself with others except to feel contempt, frustration and feel lost in your endless mind chattering. You are the best and only version of yourself.

Can you see that each comparison is an act of violence against yourself?

#2. Believing that thoughts are always true

Do you think  that the thought ‘I am not good enough’ means that you are not good enough?

Maybe people told you that ‘you are not good enough’ at some point in your life or maybe you started fabricating this by yourself.

Either way: it’s not true.

There is a difference between wanting to be the best that you can be – which is a lifetime journey that we all share – and not being enough as a human being.

You can learn to take your thoughts less serious. Many of your thoughts are meaningless.

You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough…and always more than enough!

Do you see how you give more importance to a thought that comes and goes than to the love available in the moment?

#3. Believing if you could change the past, you would feel good enough now

Do you think ‘If only I had done ‘it’ different in the past, I would be happier now?’ 

Changing the past is an impossible task. Wanting to change what has happened comes from your self judgments and difficulties to accept change.

We do live in an ever changing world.

Look at nature which is constantly shifting: the seasons, days turn into nights and caterpillars into butterflies. Our preferences shift, our relationships change and our bodies become older.

And you are always in the present moment.

Can you see that life is all about moving along and to not hold on to that which is already long gone?

Can you see that clinging to the past prevents your unfolding into the greatest harmony?

#4. Believing that what you feel is always true

Do you think that each time you feel bad means there is something wrong with you?

Feelings are not reliable. One moment you love, next moment you hate. Any feeling comes and goes.

We are more often busy with imaginative feelings than with what is happening in the very moment.

And we also generate feelings about having a feeling (for example feeling bad or angry when we feel sad). Sometimes we do what ‘feels’ right and sometimes we don’t do what ‘feels’ right and both turn out ‘right’.

Can you see how much time you waste with believing a feeling to be true and with following that feeling?

#5. Believing to be the center of the universe

Do you think that if loved ones don’t do what you want … it means you are not good enough and not loved?

Your feelings ‘feel’ always so real. Your feelings have a way of making you believe that you’re the center of the universe.

This idea started as a child and was part of your survival. As an adult, it is romantic to think that nobody suffers as much as you, that nobody loves as much as you do, and that the way you have an orgasm is the best.

Wishing that others contribute to your happiness is natural, but when they have other plans it doesn’t mean anything about your lovability.

And whilst you are always good enough, you are never the best or the worst. You are a shining star amongst many others.

Can you see that being the centre of your own universe is different of thinking being the centre of our universe?

#6. Believing you should always have positive thoughts and feelings

Do you think that having negative thoughts mean that you failed again?

Life is all inclusive. There will always be storms, discomforts and pain. Our body will age, loved ones will die and we will face hurt and tears. None of this makes you better or worse. Negative thoughts will arise and something will feel bad.

You can learn to allow and meet what is uncomfortable, without fighting or wishing it to be different, without becoming a victim and without judging yourself as wrong or not good enough.

Do you see that while you can choose peace, you choose inner war in the form of self judgments and criticism?

For most of us, after a lifelong habit of believing certain thoughts to be true, it will require some time to develop a different perspective.

Enough of feeling “Not good enough”

Learn To See Truth

How to shift attention from ‘I am not good enough’ to ‘I am good enough’.

#1. Realise the trap of mis-identification and stop believing the meanings you give

I used to be identified with every thought I had. Everything ‘bad’ that happened meant ‘something’ about me – mostly in a negative connotation. That I had done it wrong or that I was not good enough.

I have come to see that so often the meaning I give, has nothing to do with reality.

But as long as I believed my thoughts to be true, I kept just endlessly talking to myself in my head, comparing myself with others and trying to become this ‘someone better/ someone else.’

Try it out now:

  • Have a thought, for example ‘I am not good enough’.
  • See how you connect images and bodily sensations with it. Holding on to those and identifying with them is how you give meaning to this thought.
  • Now stop believing these images and sensations. Just doubt them for a moment and watch how your images and sensations change into something else.
  • Learn to see your thoughts as random. They don’t mean anything and only feel real if you hold on to the meaning you give them and make them significant by believing them.

Once you come to recognize that your thoughts are not revealing ‘truth’; a new chapter of your life will unfold.

#2. Appreciate the small things about you.


  • Look in the mirror.
  • Look into your eyes.
  • Take a moment to observe the pattern, color and what radiates from your eyes.
  • Appreciate your body: it’s softness, your senses, the way your hands create things, how you feel the touch of sunshine on your skin.
  • Appreciate your laughter, how you make others giggle, how you care for your family or friends and your unique gestures of kindness.
  • Practice daily an act of kindness towards another person and appreciate 5 small things about yourself.

Can you see that the ordinary things about yourself are just simply beautiful and exquisite – and more than good enough?

#3. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend.

Imagine sitting next to a friend who comes to share with you all his or hers flaws, mistakes and everything he or she feels is not good enough about them.

What would you tell your friend to boost their confidence?

Talk aloud to this ‘friend’ while watching the tone of your voice, the words you use and how you feel whilst you uplift someone you care about.

Can you see that in your internal self talk; you often talk to you with layers of harshness, impatience and contempt?

Can you see it is in your hands to be supportive, understanding and loving towards yourself?

Start to become that good friend for yourself.

This commitment will benefit you a lifetime!

Remember you will spend each and every moment with yourself regardless of being  kind or unkind to yourself. It is up to you.

#4. Accept yourself fully

And yes:

This includes everything you don’t ‘like’ about yourself: your flaws and imperfections, your embarrassments, your mistakes, what you try to hide, your spots, warts, wrinkles and grey hairs.

Together with what you adore about yourself – this is all YOU – unique – always good enough as you.

You will never become that ideal, perfect, flawless person you might want to be.

It is just for a short while that you are here on the earth… you might as well enjoy it.

Can you see you are always yourself and that being yourself (without any comparing), is more than enough?

#5. Investigate your thoughts

I started a self investigation process in 2016. This made me see my habits and thinking patterns in a new light. I could recognize what thoughts really are and I could free up the bondage of being hostage to my thoughts and feelings.

The thought ‘I am not good enough’ still pops up.

However I can see this thought for what it is because now I know that a thought:

  • comes and goes
  • has no real substance
  • is not personal and is not ‘me’
  • appears in the moment and has no reference to the past
  • doesn’t mean anything about who I really am
  • is often a collective thought and not ‘mine’

One of the questions which shifted my believes was to see the following:

‘If I don’t think it – where is it?’

For me this question has been empowering and liberating.

When you know for real that you have a choice in what you feel and think – and have the ability to give attention to a thought or not  – you can step out of your usual ways of tormenting yourself.

Then fulfillment is in your own hands.

We can spend our time wasting with comparing, wishing to be like someone else and feeling less than others or we can become empowered with knowing that we have a choice in what we feel and think, and start to live fulfilled lives.

A bird sitting on a tree, is never afraid of the branch breaking! Because its trust is not on the branch, but on it’s own wings. Always believe in yourself.


Get Our Newsletter Freshly Delivered to Your Inbox

* indicates required

How to Overcome Fear and Anxiety Instantly (and to Live Happily Ever After)

“Oh shit was the first thought I used to wake up to almost every morning. This first thought led to another and immediately my mind started racing in comparing myself to everybody. I should get up earlier, work harder, have a partner, a family  and a house, be more aware, look healthier and younger.”

How to Heal Your Broken Heart Today (and Find True Love)

When your heart is broken it can feel to you like you are dying. I remember break-ups in my life where I really thought that this is what the end would feel like. How little did I know that I could not be further away from truth.

How to Stand up for Yourself at Work

“I’ve always been a horrible team player. So to change that I learned loads about consensus, compromise and collaboration. But truth is that none of this stuff ever really worked for me. It all turned out to be empty promises of a shore I would never see (getting pretty poetic here).

How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Comparison really sucks! Maybe a blunt statement but I am speaking here from my own experiences. I have been in agony comparing myself to others and created stress for no reason. When I see this comparison from a distance; it is easy to tell myself: ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING? JUST STOP IT!’

How to Avoid the Christmas Blues

I cherish the feeling of the Christmas season, the flickering streetlights lightening up the winter darkness, the smell of wood fires and Christmas trees, the coziness of a decorated home…But don’t you just hate the whole media hype around Christmas? Those layers of expectation, more and more presents and glittery clothes to buy and having to make that day one of the best days of the year.

How to be Free of Shame and Guilt with Masturbation

“When I was 8 years old, my mom and dad walked into my room, while I was rubbing myself on a pillow. I had no idea that there I did something ‘wrong’ – that it was shameful and not to be done. But I immediately knew it in that moment. I saw it in their eyes and body movements before they even spoke the words: ‘What are you doing? That‘s just simply not done! Stop doing that!’”

How to Make Sure You are Having a Great Date (or not)

“Tomorrow I have a date with a man I really like. So I want this date to be really good. If it is perfect … everything will be wonderful. We will date again, be a couple, get married and walk off into the sunset … or so the story goes. That has been my romantic dream all my life.”
Most of us have a lot of expectations when we are having a date. We want…

How to End Shame and Stress about Facial Hair or any Body Issue!

Do you have facial hairs and feel ashamed of them? Is there a part of your body you dislike and want to change?
Some of us experience body shame which is an extreme form of negative body image. Maybe you believe that you can’t love your body or that you are not worthy to be loved just the way you are…

How to Deal with Your Social Anxiety and Shyness

Social Anxiety; What it looks like, what is the cause of it, how we cope with it and steps to shift it…

Social anxiety or social phobia creates the following labels about you: withdrawn, aloof, shy, timid, quiet, awkward, nervous and fearful. Others might perceive you as disinterested, arrogant, judgmental or snobbish. Your fear results from….

How to Stop Believing ‘I am not good enough’ (and See that it Is a Ridiculous Lie)

‘I am not good enough’ has been my mantra throughout my life. Really! This thought I wrapped around myself like a precious piece of clothing. It acted like a filter through which I would perceive myself in all kind of circumstances: meeting a men, thinking I am not attractive or engaging enough. At work, thinking …

How to Master Rejection (and Let it Guide You to Be Fully Alive)

“The crazy thing is that I didn’t know it. I really thought that I was the one constantly being rejected (mostly by men). That I just wasn’t sexy enough, or too much or whatever story I could come up with. I didn’t see that in my fear of rejection I was being harsh and unfriendly. I was pushing the people away who just wanted to be close to me. I played my games (of being a true bitch) so that nothing and nobody could hurt me. And to top it all I thought of myself as … “

The 3 Most Significant Tips to Drop Your Negative Self Image

We all have it: that imaginary picture in our head of ‘Who we think we are’. Thoughts of our self image make us feel either happy or bad about ourselves. Often they circle around in our head while we add non stop commentary. In reality, thoughts pass through the mind and don’t need to mean anything about ‘who we are’. A thought just comes and goes…

How to Be Kind and True to Yourself (or From Compromise to Compassion)

We have learned (and finding loads of literature) about the goodness of compromise – the art of compromise. We believe that compromising will get us ahead in life. We mistake compromise for love. We think great relationships need compromise. We all grew up with this belief system. We drank it in our mother milk.
But does that mean it is true?

5 Tips To Release Your Sadness (and Let Your Life Be Joyful)

Have you noticed how babies cry with ease? They don’t have any filters, images or ideas about themselves. They don’t think about what their sadness could mean. They are just expressing what is in the here and now. You see, a baby cries in the moment without thinking: ‘I will not look good when I cry.’, without analyzing: ‘Is this a good time to cry or will I upset someone?’, without judging: ‘I should …

How to Live Your True Purpose (and Go Beyond Your Doubts and Obstacles)

“All my life I have looked for a meaning. I ran once around the world, looking for it everywhere, missing the Olympic Games by 0.45 seconds. I spent 400 dollars on the suit for my first interview. I have lived on 400 dollars a month. I cleaned toilets. I cried and screamed in therapy. I made friends and I lost sight of them. I stayed in five star hotels and I put myself in a mental hospital. I fell in love many times. I had my heart broken the same amount of times. And was always on the run – looking for the answer: What am I here for?

Develop Self Love (and Strengthen Your Relationship)

‘It’s not your job to like me; it’s MINE!’ Byron Katie

Love is to be nurtured within yourself. Self love doesn’t require the presence of the other.

Once you know what love is about, you are free to love. Then love becomes a natural expression of yourself and is no longer something you are looking for or feel you are lacking.


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.